Letting Go
by mydistraction122
Summary: This is my version of what happened in City of Glass during the chapter, In the Dark Forest. It is entirely in Jace's pov. Now accepting anonymous reviews.


**Author's Note:**

**This is my attempt at writing Jace's point of view. This takes place in the chapter, In the Dark Forest, in City of Glass. These characters belong to Cassandra Clare. (Who is awesome, by the way.) Where I have taken directly from the chapter, it is in italics**.

I look up at Clary's window knowing that I had made my choice. I had been walking around for hours, unable to sleep, consumed by thoughts of her. I had tried to stay away, but I kept being drawn to her like the invisible cord that bound us together was shortening in length, just as I felt our time together was growing short. Maybe that is why I didn't want to fight it anymore. I didn't want to leave anything unsaid. I love her. I want her to know.

I climb through the window of her room and see her try and reach the seraph blade at her bedside. I have startled her. I place my hand on hers, "It's all right, Clary. It's me."

"_Jace," she said. "What are you doing here?" _

It was a simple question, but there were no simple answers. For a moment I didn't know what to say, and then it all came pouring out. "_Clary, I couldn't sleep. Tomorrow by midnight we'll be either at war or under Valentine's rule. This could be the last night of our lives, certainly the last even barely ordinary one. The last night we go to sleep and get up just as we always have. And all I could think was _that I love you, and _I want to spend that last night with you. _Can I spend it with you?"

I stood there waiting. Waiting for her to say no, all the while hoping against hope she wouldn't. Watching the play of emotions across her face, I saw surprise, longing, fear, and a host of emotions I couldn't begin to name. I knew I had never wanted or needed anything more in my life, but as the moments drag by I felt despair pulling me deeper into it's abyss . This isn't going to happen. She is going to say no.

Just as I start to open my mouth to apologize, I hear her say softly, _"Close the curtains, then, before you come to bed, I can't sleep with this much light in the room_." I know I must be looking at her with shock, because it was a feeling so profound I knew I wouldn't have a chance of hiding it. I pull her into my arms as tight as I can. There are so many things I want to say to her. "Clary…." She interrupts me, "_Come to bed. It's late_."

Watching as she climbed into bed I make short work of taking my jacket and shoes off. I can't wait to lie next to her. More then anything I just want to be with her. I want to touch her. I want to kiss her. I wanted to feel her close to me and pretend that we don't have just this one night, but a life time of nights. Most of all, I want to pretend she isn't my sister… but she is, so I know that this one night is all I'll ever have.

I settle down beside her, lying on my back, and then turn my head to look at her. Clary. I thought her name and smiled. I feel her take my hand with the gentlest of touches, and I take a deep breath. I realize I had forgotten to breathe. How can her presence make me so hyper-aware, yet bring me so much peace at the same time?

"Good night," she whispered. I watched as she fell asleep. Tonight, I will stay awake. I don't want to waste a moment to my dreams. Tomorrow, I am going to try and track Sebastian in the hopes of finding Valentine. I'm not a fool. No matter how confident I am in my abilities, I know I am going to be in a fight for my life. It is a fight I might not win, but I have to try. I am Valentine's arrow. I will bring him down or I will die. I know he will show no mercy. Not even to his son.

I am brought out of my thoughts of the coming battle by Clarys's fingers clenching mine even tighter, yet she is still asleep. I wonder if subconsciously she knows what I plan to do. She would try to stop me if she knew my plan or knowing Clary, she would want to come with me. The thought makes me smile and scares me to death at the same time. I look at our fingers intertwined, and roll a little to my side to bring my free hand up to caress her cheek. She is so beautiful and brave. She looks so fragile, yet she is filled with so much strength. Recent events have tested that strength as never before. The dark circles beneath her eyes are a small testament to that. I could guess she has not been sleeping well, but she is sleeping now. Is my presence helping her sleep in some small way?

As I look at her face, my thoughts of love turn to desire. Why can't I just love her as I should? Why can't I feel like she's my sister? I guess that is what my demon blood has done to me. The one person I have ever loved and wanted is my sister. I can make all the excuses I want. I can say I didn't know we were sibling when I fell in love with her, but that doesn't absolve the guilt for what I'm doing now. I shouldn't feel this way, and more importantly, I shouldn't be happy that she has feelings for me. Yet I do love her, and want her, and I can't bare the thought of letting her go. What kind of monster does that make me?

The fingers of my hand trail from her cheeks to her lips. They are so soft. I think about the kisses we have shared and feel my desire for her come back with force. I want to kiss her so badly.

I remember our kiss at the Seelie Court. I had told Clary it was just a kiss; Like their could ever be just a kiss between us. The moment my lips had touched hers everything and everyone had disappeared. It was just us, Clary and Jace. That's the way it has alway been with her, and only her.

If life were fair, if God didn't hate me, and if things were the way they were supposed to be, I would never want to leave Clary's arms. I would live in them forever simply loving her. But life isn't fair, everything is so messed up, and sometimes it felt like God did hate me, so instead of holding her forever, I had to try and let her go.

I rolled closer and let my face press into her hair. I felt it's soft texture against my lips and simply breathed her in. I could see the sun was just starting to come up over the horizon. The night had ended. If ever I could make a moment last forever, it would be this moment. But moments were made to end, and I had a job to do. It was time to go.

I didn't want to awaken Clary, but I couldn't resist pressing one last kiss into her hair. I watched as her beautiful green eyes opened, and I tensed. "Jace", she said. "Am I dreaming?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes, Clary. This is a dream"

I waited for her to close her eyes, but instead I heard her whisper, "Jace, can you kiss me? I want you to kiss me."

I didn't know if she was still half asleep and thinking this was a dream or if she was awake. What I did know was that I wanted to kiss her more then I wanted to draw my next breath, so I slowly brought my lips to hers. I had meant for it to be a gentle kiss, but the moment I felt her lips open beneath mine all I could think about was getting closer. How could I get closer?

In a swift move I suddenly pulled her onto her side, so we were facing one another. Her leg went around my waist and she pulled me tighter against her. There was no space between us, and yet we still were not close enough. My hand tangled in her hair and I allowed my lips to devour hers. I wanted her to feel my love, my desire, my need for her in this kiss. But I also wanted to say goodbye. Weather I came back from my fight with Sebastian and Valentine or not, this was the last time I would kiss her. I couldn't keep doing this to her….to us.

I gently pulled my lips from hers. We rested out heads against one another trying to catch our breaths. Gently stroking her face I whispered, "I love you, Clary".

"Jace, I love you too", she whispered back.

We stayed that way for a long time, and I watched as she slowly went back to sleep. The sun was up. I gently disentangled myself from her, and felt as if my heart were being ripped out of my chest. How was I going to walk away? How was I going to let her go?

I had written her a note earlier, and I walked over to the bedside table and placed it there. I wanted her to know what I was doing and why I was doing it. I then took the family ring from around my neck and placed it beside the letter, I took one last look at her, and climbed from her window.

I slowly walked away trying to imprint every minute I had spent with Clary into my memory. My feelings were bittersweet. She had given me the night. It would have to last me a lifetime.

**Author's note:**

**I am sorry I had to leave off where I did, but I thought that if they made love while believing they were brother and sister it would have been out of character. This is my first fan fiction so please be kind. If you find things to critique (which I'm sure you will) please be constructive. Thank you for reading.**


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